Sarah and I will be walking in the Light the Night walk, this is a video that I made in hopes of getting more sponsors. If you want to sponsor Kurt click on this. This is just in case anyone who reads this isn't on Facebook...
Monday, July 11, 2011
Sunday, May 22, 2011
1 year
As I sit here thinking about what to write and what to say, my mind keeps wandering to a year ago when all this started. I remember everything so clearly, even what I wore to the hospital. I replay that night over and over in my head, thinking we were just going to go to the hospital to have my second baby. Never in a million years did I think the doctor would pull us into a very private area in labour and delivery, and tell us, with tears in her eyes, "You have leukaemia". In the back of my head I knew something was wrong, but I never thought I would have cancer. That only happens to old people. But the reality is it doesn't. And I was going to have to fight this, no matter what. I remember looking at Kurt, and one of the first thing that he said to me was "this is going to bring us closer together and closer to God."
Well, I can tell you all, he was right. I have never felt more in love with my husband. He is my best friend. I can honestly say I could have never gotten through everything without him by my side. He was my strength, my motivator, my sounding board, a shoulder to cry on, when I felt like I had nothing left. And he still is, everyday.
I have never felt as close to God as I do today. He was with me even when I didn't feel Him at all. I always have the poem or story in the back of my head "Footprints" when I think of this past year and my walk with God. That's exactly how it was. God was always there and carried me through.
Well, enough of that for now. We have been doing great lately. Since the last post, there was many up's and down's. I just couldn't get over that hump. I would be feeling good, and then catch something, then get sick, lose the weight I gained, get more fluid, take more blood, see this doctor and that doctor, go on this antibiotic, and then start to feel better again. That would last for a week or two, and then the cycle would start again. I can't even remember when it was that I actually felt better, like really good, but it's has been at least since Easter, if not longer. I just starting feeling better all around. And not just physically, but everything, emotionally and mentally. It was like a light was turned on and knew what I had to do. It was all about living in the moment, and not taking things for granted. Every moment I have is a blessing, and I have to live with that in mind. I started noticing the simplest things, like smelling clean laundry, fresh out of the dryer and feeling it's warmth, or going outside after it just rained and taking a deep breath, smelling the air. And as crappy as it is to wake up from Cael crying at 5:00 in the morning, I am here to hear it, and it's an amazing sound. Don't get me wrong, it's not like that every moment of my day. I am human and I'm a mother of 2 kids under 3, which can be very crazy at times. But it's very easy for me to get over it quickly and remind myself about how lucky I am.
We just celebrated Cael's 1st birthday. I really can not believe that he is one. He is such a big boy, walking around all over the place. He has also discovered that if he wants to be heard, he has to make some noise around here. With Linden as his older brother, he can hardly get a word in. He is started to to get louder by the day. He loves his brother so much, if only Linden would understand that fully, but right now he mostly thinks Cael is always in the way. I believe one day they will be the best of friends, but right now the sibling rivalry is going on.
Linden is becoming more independent with each passing day. He challenges me everyday, and we are constantly butting heads. He is definitely going through the terrible two's. He has been through so many changes in the past year, along with all the other things like potty training, a big bed, losing his nap, and also, Kurt going back to work. So really, I can't blame him for his temper tantrums and screaming episodes. He may be my biggest challenge, but also he has my heart wrapped around his finger. He can be so charming and loving, it brings tears to my eyes sometimes.
Kurt has gone back to work full time and I believe he is enjoying it. It has been good to miss him during the day, and feel like things are back to normal. I know he hates being away from the boys, but it's been good for everyone.
And me....well, besides the appointments I go to about every two weeks, I'm just being the house wife and stay at home mom, that I always wanted to be. It can be very hard at times, but I'm enjoying it to the fullest. I am so blessed to be able to be at home and be well enough to do it. Things could have been so much worse, and I would have needed so much more help, but God is amazing and has given me the strength I need to do it (mostly) on my own.
I have become very interested in cooking, and have this new found passion for food and the way to cook it. I want to be an amazing cook and I'm going to teach myself. I think because I haven't been able to enjoy food to the fullest this past year, I want everything I eat to be amazing and flavourful. Maybe I'll take a cooking class, maybe not. We will have to see how I can do it on my own. I figure if I have a house of boys, I should know how to cook and bake and be excellent at it.
I have started a "bucket list" of thing I want to do and learn and see. Once you are faced with an illness that could be fatal, you look at things differently and realize how short life can be. So, for me, to have a list has been really good and exciting. I can't wait to start crossing things off. Some of the things are crazy like, "publish a book", but a girl can dream, right?
We are going to be hosting an open house on May 29th. It's a way to say thank you to everyone who has helped us in the last year. We had an amazing amount of support and help, an open house just doesn't even seem like enough. I wish I could remember everyone who did something, but the list is so long, and some parts of it were such a blur. So, if you are reading this and you would like to come by and say Hi!!, please do. We would love to see you, and say thank you personally.
We just celebrated Cael's 1st birthday. I really can not believe that he is one. He is such a big boy, walking around all over the place. He has also discovered that if he wants to be heard, he has to make some noise around here. With Linden as his older brother, he can hardly get a word in. He is started to to get louder by the day. He loves his brother so much, if only Linden would understand that fully, but right now he mostly thinks Cael is always in the way. I believe one day they will be the best of friends, but right now the sibling rivalry is going on.
Linden is becoming more independent with each passing day. He challenges me everyday, and we are constantly butting heads. He is definitely going through the terrible two's. He has been through so many changes in the past year, along with all the other things like potty training, a big bed, losing his nap, and also, Kurt going back to work. So really, I can't blame him for his temper tantrums and screaming episodes. He may be my biggest challenge, but also he has my heart wrapped around his finger. He can be so charming and loving, it brings tears to my eyes sometimes.
Kurt has gone back to work full time and I believe he is enjoying it. It has been good to miss him during the day, and feel like things are back to normal. I know he hates being away from the boys, but it's been good for everyone.
And me....well, besides the appointments I go to about every two weeks, I'm just being the house wife and stay at home mom, that I always wanted to be. It can be very hard at times, but I'm enjoying it to the fullest. I am so blessed to be able to be at home and be well enough to do it. Things could have been so much worse, and I would have needed so much more help, but God is amazing and has given me the strength I need to do it (mostly) on my own.
I have become very interested in cooking, and have this new found passion for food and the way to cook it. I want to be an amazing cook and I'm going to teach myself. I think because I haven't been able to enjoy food to the fullest this past year, I want everything I eat to be amazing and flavourful. Maybe I'll take a cooking class, maybe not. We will have to see how I can do it on my own. I figure if I have a house of boys, I should know how to cook and bake and be excellent at it.
I have started a "bucket list" of thing I want to do and learn and see. Once you are faced with an illness that could be fatal, you look at things differently and realize how short life can be. So, for me, to have a list has been really good and exciting. I can't wait to start crossing things off. Some of the things are crazy like, "publish a book", but a girl can dream, right?
We are going to be hosting an open house on May 29th. It's a way to say thank you to everyone who has helped us in the last year. We had an amazing amount of support and help, an open house just doesn't even seem like enough. I wish I could remember everyone who did something, but the list is so long, and some parts of it were such a blur. So, if you are reading this and you would like to come by and say Hi!!, please do. We would love to see you, and say thank you personally.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Tapestry
Hello,
Last week Sarah and I travelled near Cochrane for a retreat called Tapestry. It was held at Kings Fold, and we were there with 5 other couples who also went through a stem cell transplant. It was a refreshing experience, it was so nice to be able to talk to people who knew what we were going through, and even nicer for Sarah to finally have someone say "I know what your dealing with" and actually know. Thanks to those who watched our kids so we could go! Some pictures from our trip are below.
Sarah is doing quite well, this afternoon she called to me excitedly to look at her jeans, she didn't need a belt for them to stay up. She was quite excited! Sarah is eating well but is still a little limited in what she can eat. Her mouth is still dry, but it seems to be improving. Her energy level also seems to be improving little by little. Right now she is out getting her eyebrows waxed, and both boys are napping!
K
The Bridge
The Trail Sarah and I walked down, The river below is how far Sarah hiked, in Ugg boots...
What a beautiful view, we ate every meal staring out into the mountains.
Cael, still not walking, but getting closer.
Linden enjoying the warmer weather.
Friday, February 25, 2011
Photoblogpost
Wha wha what? A blog post?
I know it has been a while, but I assure you that is a good thing. We have been busy with normal life, which is awesome. Things have been going pretty good, Sarah seems to have a little more energy each day, thus doing a little more each day. Her drinking has been good since her week of fluid and her eating has improved so much in the last two and a half weeks. She eats breakfast, lunch and dinner and also has two or three snacks per day, she is no longer losing weight and I think its only a matter of time before her weight starts slowly climbing up.
We will try to write a proper post in the next while to get everybody caught up, but for now here are some pictures from the last little while.
Cael, growing so fast
Linden, Ready to ski
Bath Time
Four Teeth
Linden
Skating at Grandmas & Grandpas, Family 2011
Skate
Caels Favorite Pose
Linden, this is how he spent most of the time on the ice
Elaine, Sarah, Dad, Brenda and Karen (left to right)
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Bring on the fat!!
Hey Everyone,
I'm finally writing a post for you. I know it's been a long time since the last one Kurt wrote, but I have to say, it's been busy around here. Not in a way most people would think, but when you go from just the two of you living together away from home and then back to your old life with two busy kids and a house, I've found it to be quite a change, and at times not an easy one. Don't get me wrong, I love being home with the boys and wouldn't trade it for the world, but it's been tough adjusting. I find myself doing everything I can for the boys and trying to be the same as I was before this all happened, but I'm still far from that but after a couple days of that I am burnt out and exhausted. I'm having a hard time finding a balance in taking care of myself and being there as much as I can for the boys (all of them, Kurt included). I know, in time, it will come, but I can get pretty impatient with myself.
So, what's been going on lately? Hmm, not very much. We had our first appointment at the Cross, it was good and all my blood work is doing what it needs to do. They said everything looked good. Their only concern is my weight, I'm considered malnourished, which I never thought would be a problem for me. I have always loved food and never had a problem with eating it. I probably over indulged a time or two. However, now, I am not getting even close to the amount of calories needed in a day. This has and will continue be my biggest battle. I have lost enough weight that you can count my ribs....yuck is right. Never in a million years did I think I would have to gain weight and fat. But I never thought I would get cancer either. So, I need to eat as much as I can in a day and drink and drink and drink. The doctors at the Cross want to see me every two weeks for awhile, so they can monitor my weight and such. But once that is a bit better, we will only be going there once a month to get blood work done and see the doctors.
I went to an appointment today at the fertility clinic at the Royal Alex. I found out that my reproductive system has shut down which I knew could happen after chemo and the transplant. But when they finally tell you that you can't and won't have more children, the news is hard to take. I thought I had dealt with it and was okay with not having any more kids, but to have it so finalized, and not by your choice, is heart breaking. I always pictured my life with a house full of kids, driving a minivan, going a million places at once, but now that will never be. I cried the whole way home from the appointment, and when I got home I cried while I gave my little boys the biggest hug ever. I need to keep telling myself that I will be fine and I am very lucky to have Linden and Cael in my life, and they are healthy and happy. We have a family, even if it is only 4 of us, we are a family.
Tomorrow is the dentist. I hate the dentist and I am very afraid of what he will tell me. Because of the transplant, my teeth are bad, I feel it. So I am worried that I will need fillings and stuff like that. It's crazy, but I would rather have another bone marrow aspirate than a filling. I'm serious. That's how much I don't like the dentist.
Well, hopefully we will write sooner than we did last time. I want to keep writing with updates and stuff like that. Thanks for all your comments and thoughts, I love reading them and they defiantly help this whole process we are going through. Please keep praying for continued healing as my body is re-adjusting to everything. Oh, and for me get fatter.
Love Sarah
I'm finally writing a post for you. I know it's been a long time since the last one Kurt wrote, but I have to say, it's been busy around here. Not in a way most people would think, but when you go from just the two of you living together away from home and then back to your old life with two busy kids and a house, I've found it to be quite a change, and at times not an easy one. Don't get me wrong, I love being home with the boys and wouldn't trade it for the world, but it's been tough adjusting. I find myself doing everything I can for the boys and trying to be the same as I was before this all happened, but I'm still far from that but after a couple days of that I am burnt out and exhausted. I'm having a hard time finding a balance in taking care of myself and being there as much as I can for the boys (all of them, Kurt included). I know, in time, it will come, but I can get pretty impatient with myself.
So, what's been going on lately? Hmm, not very much. We had our first appointment at the Cross, it was good and all my blood work is doing what it needs to do. They said everything looked good. Their only concern is my weight, I'm considered malnourished, which I never thought would be a problem for me. I have always loved food and never had a problem with eating it. I probably over indulged a time or two. However, now, I am not getting even close to the amount of calories needed in a day. This has and will continue be my biggest battle. I have lost enough weight that you can count my ribs....yuck is right. Never in a million years did I think I would have to gain weight and fat. But I never thought I would get cancer either. So, I need to eat as much as I can in a day and drink and drink and drink. The doctors at the Cross want to see me every two weeks for awhile, so they can monitor my weight and such. But once that is a bit better, we will only be going there once a month to get blood work done and see the doctors.
I went to an appointment today at the fertility clinic at the Royal Alex. I found out that my reproductive system has shut down which I knew could happen after chemo and the transplant. But when they finally tell you that you can't and won't have more children, the news is hard to take. I thought I had dealt with it and was okay with not having any more kids, but to have it so finalized, and not by your choice, is heart breaking. I always pictured my life with a house full of kids, driving a minivan, going a million places at once, but now that will never be. I cried the whole way home from the appointment, and when I got home I cried while I gave my little boys the biggest hug ever. I need to keep telling myself that I will be fine and I am very lucky to have Linden and Cael in my life, and they are healthy and happy. We have a family, even if it is only 4 of us, we are a family.
Tomorrow is the dentist. I hate the dentist and I am very afraid of what he will tell me. Because of the transplant, my teeth are bad, I feel it. So I am worried that I will need fillings and stuff like that. It's crazy, but I would rather have another bone marrow aspirate than a filling. I'm serious. That's how much I don't like the dentist.
Well, hopefully we will write sooner than we did last time. I want to keep writing with updates and stuff like that. Thanks for all your comments and thoughts, I love reading them and they defiantly help this whole process we are going through. Please keep praying for continued healing as my body is re-adjusting to everything. Oh, and for me get fatter.
Love Sarah
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
JK Livin'
When we were in Calgary I knew exactly how many days we had been there and how many days it was until we could go home. Today, I don't know how many days we have been home, I know we are getting close to day 100, but I don't know how many days we have been home, and that is okay with me.
Since we arrived back home it has been very busy, busy with Christmas and busy with visiting with family and friends. We spent the past few weeks the way we would have any other year, which was awesome. We had Christmas eve at my parents house, and Christmas day with Sarah's family. It is so nice to be with our families once again, there were numerous times where I stopped to think about how glad I am that we were all together once again. I am sure we all thought that throughout the holiday season. New years was spent with friends of ours, normal right? It has been busy for Sarah and I, but the type of busy what we were desperately longing for in Calgary. Our boys are doing good and seem to be adjusting well to coming back home. Sarah and I are also adjusting well, I think we were both worried about coming back to such a busy life again, but so far its going smoothly.
Last week Linden was sick, he was puking etc. and not eating. The next day Cael and I had the same thing. We were concerned that Sarah would end up catching the same bug, and sure enough she did. I called the clinic in Calgary and they requested blood work. The next day we went to the cross and blood was drawn. At this point Sarah was already feeling a little better. After blood was drawn they started an IV of magnesium and potassium because those are usually low with a stomach bug. Halfway through this the nurse practitioner came back with the blood results which were really good. Sarah's platelets were 114 and her hemoglobin was 91, her other counts were all in the normal range. The Nurse said that they look like blood results from a different patient. She phoned Calgary and was told to discontinue the Potassium and magnesium and give Sarah a half litre of fluid. We also asked about the bone marrow test that was given before we left Calgary, the only results that she could give us is that there wasn't leukemia found. I think they might have better results for us for Sarah's appointment on the 10th. Sarah seems to be doing well with being home, she is however fatigued like they said she would be. I will try to get her to write a blog to explain...
We recently found out that the singer/piano player on that song Swim by Jack's Mannequin is a leukemia survivor. Last night we watched his documentary "Dear Jack", it was a pretty decent look into what he had to go through. He had the same kind of leukemia as Sarah and also underwent a stem cell transplant. That might explain why the lyrics of that song hit so close to home.
K
Since we arrived back home it has been very busy, busy with Christmas and busy with visiting with family and friends. We spent the past few weeks the way we would have any other year, which was awesome. We had Christmas eve at my parents house, and Christmas day with Sarah's family. It is so nice to be with our families once again, there were numerous times where I stopped to think about how glad I am that we were all together once again. I am sure we all thought that throughout the holiday season. New years was spent with friends of ours, normal right? It has been busy for Sarah and I, but the type of busy what we were desperately longing for in Calgary. Our boys are doing good and seem to be adjusting well to coming back home. Sarah and I are also adjusting well, I think we were both worried about coming back to such a busy life again, but so far its going smoothly.
Last week Linden was sick, he was puking etc. and not eating. The next day Cael and I had the same thing. We were concerned that Sarah would end up catching the same bug, and sure enough she did. I called the clinic in Calgary and they requested blood work. The next day we went to the cross and blood was drawn. At this point Sarah was already feeling a little better. After blood was drawn they started an IV of magnesium and potassium because those are usually low with a stomach bug. Halfway through this the nurse practitioner came back with the blood results which were really good. Sarah's platelets were 114 and her hemoglobin was 91, her other counts were all in the normal range. The Nurse said that they look like blood results from a different patient. She phoned Calgary and was told to discontinue the Potassium and magnesium and give Sarah a half litre of fluid. We also asked about the bone marrow test that was given before we left Calgary, the only results that she could give us is that there wasn't leukemia found. I think they might have better results for us for Sarah's appointment on the 10th. Sarah seems to be doing well with being home, she is however fatigued like they said she would be. I will try to get her to write a blog to explain...
We recently found out that the singer/piano player on that song Swim by Jack's Mannequin is a leukemia survivor. Last night we watched his documentary "Dear Jack", it was a pretty decent look into what he had to go through. He had the same kind of leukemia as Sarah and also underwent a stem cell transplant. That might explain why the lyrics of that song hit so close to home.
K
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Home Sweet Home
Last week Friday, which now feels like so long ago, we went to the clinic so Sarah could receive a litre of fluid before the weekend trip to Banff. She was topped up and then we continued to pack and clean up the apartment. I am quite surprised at how much stuff we ended up having at the apartment but we did manage to fit it all in and make it home. At about 2 Sarah's Dad and Margaret arrived and we were on our way to Banff, it was a fantastic weekend, it was so nice to get away from the apartment in the first place but to get away and go to a beautiful place like Banff made it much more enjoyable. On Saturday we went up the gondola and enjoyed the view of Banff from up there. The food and company was great so thanks to both of you very much!
On Monday morning we made it to the clinic, albeit a little late thanks to Ryan and his wife Sarah. Sarah still had her pic line in so they started to draw the blood work. The blood work this week was a big one, I think they stole 14 tubes of her blood, so they gave her a litre of fluid while we waited for the doctor to meet with us. The doctor finally came to meet with us only to tell us that the bone marrow test results still hadn't arrived. I think this worried Sarah and I at first but they were quick to tell us that we would still be able to go home. Some of the blood work came back from that morning and we were told that her counts had increased again. The doctor also told us that they aren't too concerned about the bone marrow results because everything else leads them to believe that things are going well. They also said that they will call us if there is anything that concerns them with the bone marrow test. They sent us on our way home with a few things to look out for. Sarah has to be careful not to over exert herself and she also has to do her best not to get sick. We don't have another appointment until January 10, but in the meantime Sarah will have some blood work done next week. After the doctor cleared us to go the pic was pulled and we went to the apartment to start packing up the truck. My friend Ryan wanted a lift to Edmonton so he was there and helped with the packing and cleaning which was really nice, because Sarah was able to watch us load up the truck and didn't have to carry anything. We finally hit the road at 2:30 and were on our way, I think we were both amazed that the day had finally arrived. For me it felt so fast, but then looking back and remembering all that we had been through it felt so long. Needless to say we were both so excited to be on our way home. We made it home at around six and started unloading the truck. Linden was home first with Brenda and her girls. It was so nice to see Linden in his own house, he was so excited to walk around and see all of his toys again. He would pick up one toy play with it and then see another one and play with that one, he didn't know which toy to play with. Selina arrived with Cael a little while later, finally all four of us where together in our own house. It was a really emotional time, we are so happy and so thankful that we could be together and home again. It is so nice to see the two boys together, its funny because it seems like they haven't missed a beat, Cael watches everything Linden does and Linden will bring Cael toys and gets excited when Cael wakes up from his nap. It has been a huge adjustment for us, but it is so rewarding. Last night while we were driving I said to Sarah that it feels so normal and routine already, being parents to our boys is something we both missed more than anything. For now we are going to adjust to our new old life and enjoy Christmas.
Sarah and I are planning to continue writing the blog, but for now we don't know how often, we both realize that this is the best way to let everyone know what is going on so keep this page bookmarked. We are home, it feels so good to say/type that, I thought I would say it again. Thank you so much to everyone who helped us out along this journey.
K
...Sarah said she would write a blog entry tomorrow.
Cards in the hotel room
The view from the mountain top
The fluid top up before we came home
This is what kept Sarah going
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