As I sit here thinking about what to write and what to say, my mind keeps wandering to a year ago when all this started. I remember everything so clearly, even what I wore to the hospital. I replay that night over and over in my head, thinking we were just going to go to the hospital to have my second baby. Never in a million years did I think the doctor would pull us into a very private area in labour and delivery, and tell us, with tears in her eyes, "You have leukaemia". In the back of my head I knew something was wrong, but I never thought I would have cancer. That only happens to old people. But the reality is it doesn't. And I was going to have to fight this, no matter what. I remember looking at Kurt, and one of the first thing that he said to me was "this is going to bring us closer together and closer to God."
Well, I can tell you all, he was right. I have never felt more in love with my husband. He is my best friend. I can honestly say I could have never gotten through everything without him by my side. He was my strength, my motivator, my sounding board, a shoulder to cry on, when I felt like I had nothing left. And he still is, everyday.
I have never felt as close to God as I do today. He was with me even when I didn't feel Him at all. I always have the poem or story in the back of my head "Footprints" when I think of this past year and my walk with God. That's exactly how it was. God was always there and carried me through.
Well, enough of that for now. We have been doing great lately. Since the last post, there was many up's and down's. I just couldn't get over that hump. I would be feeling good, and then catch something, then get sick, lose the weight I gained, get more fluid, take more blood, see this doctor and that doctor, go on this antibiotic, and then start to feel better again. That would last for a week or two, and then the cycle would start again. I can't even remember when it was that I actually felt better, like really good, but it's has been at least since Easter, if not longer. I just starting feeling better all around. And not just physically, but everything, emotionally and mentally. It was like a light was turned on and knew what I had to do. It was all about living in the moment, and not taking things for granted. Every moment I have is a blessing, and I have to live with that in mind. I started noticing the simplest things, like smelling clean laundry, fresh out of the dryer and feeling it's warmth, or going outside after it just rained and taking a deep breath, smelling the air. And as crappy as it is to wake up from Cael crying at 5:00 in the morning, I am here to hear it, and it's an amazing sound. Don't get me wrong, it's not like that every moment of my day. I am human and I'm a mother of 2 kids under 3, which can be very crazy at times. But it's very easy for me to get over it quickly and remind myself about how lucky I am.
We just celebrated Cael's 1st birthday. I really can not believe that he is one. He is such a big boy, walking around all over the place. He has also discovered that if he wants to be heard, he has to make some noise around here. With Linden as his older brother, he can hardly get a word in. He is started to to get louder by the day. He loves his brother so much, if only Linden would understand that fully, but right now he mostly thinks Cael is always in the way. I believe one day they will be the best of friends, but right now the sibling rivalry is going on.
Linden is becoming more independent with each passing day. He challenges me everyday, and we are constantly butting heads. He is definitely going through the terrible two's. He has been through so many changes in the past year, along with all the other things like potty training, a big bed, losing his nap, and also, Kurt going back to work. So really, I can't blame him for his temper tantrums and screaming episodes. He may be my biggest challenge, but also he has my heart wrapped around his finger. He can be so charming and loving, it brings tears to my eyes sometimes.
Kurt has gone back to work full time and I believe he is enjoying it. It has been good to miss him during the day, and feel like things are back to normal. I know he hates being away from the boys, but it's been good for everyone.
And me....well, besides the appointments I go to about every two weeks, I'm just being the house wife and stay at home mom, that I always wanted to be. It can be very hard at times, but I'm enjoying it to the fullest. I am so blessed to be able to be at home and be well enough to do it. Things could have been so much worse, and I would have needed so much more help, but God is amazing and has given me the strength I need to do it (mostly) on my own.
I have become very interested in cooking, and have this new found passion for food and the way to cook it. I want to be an amazing cook and I'm going to teach myself. I think because I haven't been able to enjoy food to the fullest this past year, I want everything I eat to be amazing and flavourful. Maybe I'll take a cooking class, maybe not. We will have to see how I can do it on my own. I figure if I have a house of boys, I should know how to cook and bake and be excellent at it.
I have started a "bucket list" of thing I want to do and learn and see. Once you are faced with an illness that could be fatal, you look at things differently and realize how short life can be. So, for me, to have a list has been really good and exciting. I can't wait to start crossing things off. Some of the things are crazy like, "publish a book", but a girl can dream, right?
We are going to be hosting an open house on May 29th. It's a way to say thank you to everyone who has helped us in the last year. We had an amazing amount of support and help, an open house just doesn't even seem like enough. I wish I could remember everyone who did something, but the list is so long, and some parts of it were such a blur. So, if you are reading this and you would like to come by and say Hi!!, please do. We would love to see you, and say thank you personally.
We just celebrated Cael's 1st birthday. I really can not believe that he is one. He is such a big boy, walking around all over the place. He has also discovered that if he wants to be heard, he has to make some noise around here. With Linden as his older brother, he can hardly get a word in. He is started to to get louder by the day. He loves his brother so much, if only Linden would understand that fully, but right now he mostly thinks Cael is always in the way. I believe one day they will be the best of friends, but right now the sibling rivalry is going on.
Linden is becoming more independent with each passing day. He challenges me everyday, and we are constantly butting heads. He is definitely going through the terrible two's. He has been through so many changes in the past year, along with all the other things like potty training, a big bed, losing his nap, and also, Kurt going back to work. So really, I can't blame him for his temper tantrums and screaming episodes. He may be my biggest challenge, but also he has my heart wrapped around his finger. He can be so charming and loving, it brings tears to my eyes sometimes.
Kurt has gone back to work full time and I believe he is enjoying it. It has been good to miss him during the day, and feel like things are back to normal. I know he hates being away from the boys, but it's been good for everyone.
And me....well, besides the appointments I go to about every two weeks, I'm just being the house wife and stay at home mom, that I always wanted to be. It can be very hard at times, but I'm enjoying it to the fullest. I am so blessed to be able to be at home and be well enough to do it. Things could have been so much worse, and I would have needed so much more help, but God is amazing and has given me the strength I need to do it (mostly) on my own.
I have become very interested in cooking, and have this new found passion for food and the way to cook it. I want to be an amazing cook and I'm going to teach myself. I think because I haven't been able to enjoy food to the fullest this past year, I want everything I eat to be amazing and flavourful. Maybe I'll take a cooking class, maybe not. We will have to see how I can do it on my own. I figure if I have a house of boys, I should know how to cook and bake and be excellent at it.
I have started a "bucket list" of thing I want to do and learn and see. Once you are faced with an illness that could be fatal, you look at things differently and realize how short life can be. So, for me, to have a list has been really good and exciting. I can't wait to start crossing things off. Some of the things are crazy like, "publish a book", but a girl can dream, right?
We are going to be hosting an open house on May 29th. It's a way to say thank you to everyone who has helped us in the last year. We had an amazing amount of support and help, an open house just doesn't even seem like enough. I wish I could remember everyone who did something, but the list is so long, and some parts of it were such a blur. So, if you are reading this and you would like to come by and say Hi!!, please do. We would love to see you, and say thank you personally.
